Swimwear shopping fills me with dread.
I know it’s all about loving who you are and what you look like, and embracing that with all your might, but let’s face it, even the most body beautiful still find it daunting – so for us mere mortals it’s horrific.
As I look at myself in the changing room mirror, I cringe. Good god, where did that cellulite come from, when did my knees get saggy, bloody hell, everything is heading south!
I probably feel worse because the person helping me is a 5ft 10 20-year-old. As she comes into the dressing room, I want to shout ‘look away!”.
But I stand there and as I ask her opinion of the bikini I’ve tried on, I am sure I can see a little flicker of ‘what the fuck’ in her eyes. She may not be saying it out loud, but she’s not so great at hiding what she thinks (not sure that’s a good thing or not!).
Yes, I’m midlife and still wearing a bikini. The thing is, a one piece just doesn’t suit me. I have been on the hunt for some bikinis that don’t make me look hideous for some time. It doesn’t help that I’m two sizes smaller on the top!
I’ve actually contemplated starting my own brand, for women that want basic swimwear with a range of bottoms and tops to suit all body shapes. I’m currently in Seafolly, trying on about 100 different styles with no luck at all.
What I quickly realise is that my body shape won’t change, I am getting older, the knees will continue to sag and I have lumps and bumps. From the front I don’t look too bad, but a quick look at my ass in the mirror sends shivers up my spine.
However, what I do know, is life is too short, I’m getting the damn bikini and people can snigger if they wish, but the best thing about getting older, is you just don’t give a rat’s ass what other people think, because one day, they’ll be my age, they’ll be facing those midlife dilemmas. It happens to all of us.
So, I’m wearing the bikini, ass wobbles, dimple butt and sagging knees. If someone is offended by that, then they have far too much time on their hands. Because when I’m 90, I’ll look back on photos of myself at this age, and wonder what all the fuss was about.
Here’s me with my girlfriends, having a pool/wine/cheese day. We didn’t give a toss about what we looked like, because the only thing that was important, was the time we spent together. We ate the food, we drank the wine, and scoffed some chocolate.
Life was good, as it should be.