My hormones are turning me into a cot-case! Not turning, they have turned me into a cot-case.
My hormonal life continues…
Outwardly I look happy, content and normal, but let me tell you on the inside I have turned into a self-doubting, self-loathing, critical (of myself, mostly) wreck.
It happened overnight. Pretty much along with all the other symptoms; sweats, hairy upper lip (yes, you read that right), moods, spots, insomnia you name it. Those I can cope with, but it’s the mental impact I am finding hard to come to terms with.
I used to suffer anxiety (badly, once I tried to get off the plane as it was taking off – thank god for Margie the wonderful Qantas aircrew – but that’s another story for another time).
I worked bloody hard on my anxiety and was proud after 40 years to get it under control, and begin to lead a life free of self-doubt, until now.
It started with one day I’d feel great, one not so, but lately it’s every day I feel like shit, every day is a struggle.
I JUST WANT TO SNAP OUT OF IT.
I want the old me back again. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m fed-up.
It’s a mindf**k. Excuse the language, some of you may be offended, and I apologise but I am blaming the hormones.
I am the first person to be positive, I love being positive and have lived life through rose-tinted glasses – that’s just me. I want everyone to be happy and content. Yes, I know that’s not real life, but that’s just how it has been for me. Until now…
Why the hell have I turned into this self-doubting hormonal mess?
I am not a self-doubter but lately have become one. I’ve also become snappy (the poor hubby) and can be a total cow (mainly to the hub). I have resorted to putting up notes saying, ‘be nice to the hub’. What has my life become and what a total freak!
It’s a tad concerning. The man deserves a medal.
It’s like looking in a mirror and the person looking back at you is a disappointment. I find fault; in my appearance, in my motivation and in pretty much everything about myself.
It’s a stage and I know I will come through it. It’s part of the process, and who knows, tomorrow I may wake up from the fog and the old Jo will be staring right back at me.
I must learn to love myself all over again, take control, get back on track and remember, we’re in it together and tomorrow is a new day. I am in control, I just need to take it back. I am not letting these bloody hormones win. NO WAY.
Having a platform to share has been a godsend. Hearing from you ladies is like a lifeline, because it’s great to know, we’re not alone in this often confusing and frustrating time of our lives.
We’d love to hear more about your hormonal stories, and we’ll publish them in our Talking Hormones section. It helps to hear your experiences. Remember, we’re in this together.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.